What Is Intergenerational Trauma? The Emotional Inheritance We Don’t Talk About
It all begins with an idea.
Have you ever reacted in a way that felt bigger than the moment? Or repeated a pattern in relationships or parenting that you thought you'd outgrown?
Often, these responses stem from something deeper: intergenerational trauma, the transmission of emotional pain, coping strategies, and unspoken beliefs passed down through families.
It doesn’t only arise from big events like war or displacement. It can come from years of emotional neglect, silence, or survival-based thinking. And it shows up in subtle ways:
- Fear of conflict or speaking up
- People-pleasing to stay safe
- Carrying others’ emotions as your own
- Deep shame for setting boundaries
- Feeling responsible for family unity, no matter the cost
These patterns aren’t necessarily "ours"; they’re inherited. Passed down, not out of malice, but survival.
We also inherit silent messages:
“Don’t rock the boat.”
“Be grateful, don’t complain.”
“Keep the family together at all costs.”
But healing begins when we become aware of these patterns, not to blame, but to choose differently.
Sometimes, the most compassionate thing we can do is gently disrupt unhealthy dynamics. That may not always be welcomed, but it can still be done respectfully and with integrity.
Even if others don’t extend grace, we can.
Strategic Psychotherapy is one way I support clients through this work. It doesn’t focus on reliving trauma; it helps people identify the beliefs and roles they’ve inherited and gives them tools to shift those patterns.
You don’t have to carry what was never yours to begin with.
You can honour your history without repeating it.
And you can remain kind, even while choosing differently.
If this resonates, or if you're supporting clients through similar journeys, feel free to connect or reach out.
We Become What We Focus On
Something I’ve been reflecting on this week is the idea that we become what we focus on.
In a world filled with uncertainty, unrest, and unpredictability, it’s easy, almost effortless, to be pulled into a cycle of fear and hypervigilance. The constant stream of breaking news, economic shifts, political tension, and human suffering can make us feel like we’re never safe, never settled, never certain. And if you’re prone to anxiety, this kind of thinking doesn’t just stick, it can lead to spirals.
I see it in my therapy work, and I’ve noticed it in myself too.
We start to feel what we feed.
If we spend our time focusing on everything that is out of our control, global events, other people’s choices, imagined future disasters.
We reinforce the belief that life is unsafe and that we’re powerless.
The truth is, many of the things that demand our mental attention have nothing to do with our lived experience, and yet they hijack our nervous system as if they did. We get stuck in mental rehearsal for events that may never happen, investing our energy into fear rather than presence.
But here’s the most beautiful part... we get to choose where our focus goes.
And where your focus goes... your feelings, your body, and your life follow.
This doesn’t mean ignoring hardship or pretending everything’s fine. It means intentionally placing your attention on what supports your wellbeing, what you can influence, and what brings light to your life.
This week, I choose to focus on the blessings in my life.
The small ones, the quiet ones, the ones I might miss if I let fear take the wheel.
Because what we focus on, we strengthen.
And I’d rather strengthen peace, connection, and clarity than fear.
